*hyper mad bouncy woman*

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

*ahem*

I have been hyper all day. Not only did I get a lift to work this morning, he brought milk with him so he could have a coffee, being aware I never have milk.

*break for phone call from A.*

Ok, long phone call and now I have to get my fishnets on and go paint the town red.....

*squeak*

I'm not very good at Saturday mornings when I have to work. Everything seems to happen slower than on a weekday morning.

So when I finished washing my hair and found I had a text message saying "Finished work. Can I pop and see you before you have to go to work?", I panicked slightly.

Then I texted back "Yes" and started condensing my morning routine.

Apart, of course, from popping on here to post this.

OE: (((hug))) - and you would get one for real if I ever met you. Hang on in there.

Distracted

Tonight I came home intending to do some tidying and watch some tv. Instead I spent the whole evening on MSN talking to A.

I don't think it was a waste of an evening though.

Besides, I'll have time to do some of it in the morning and some of it before I head out on Saturday. Then the house will still be all tidy for when he comes round for lunch on Sunday.

I've been trying to post every day, I know this one is a bit short but I'm sure you'll get a tipsy post when I get in at stupid o'clock on Sunday!

Thursday....

Today I had to work upstairs as it's M.'s day off. I'm not fond of working upstairs, I know it shows responsibility etc but it's just so flipping boring. Phone customer orders through to publishers, send out letters/phone customers whose orders have come in, put out the bit of stock that's there....and then it's 10.30 and I have an hour before my break, and then afterwards I have an hour before I get any more stock. It's that bit that's the worst. No customers and the urge to just curl up and go to sleep.

I'm getting better at keeping busy up there though. Straighten up all the shelves, refresh the top of stairs displays and counter displays, make sure everything that should be stickered is stickered. The bad time is when I'm up there for a few days, as I will be next week. That's when I'll start reorganising sections by book colour or something. The good one for that is History since no-one ever seems able to find what they want anyway, so why not rearrange it from chronological order to filed according to what star-sign the author is.

I went for my strand and skin test today, only to find out that the girl I spoke to yesterday didn't book me in for one. So I got the skin test done (they stick some hair dye behind your ear and then see if you react - nope) and I have the strand test booked for next Wednesday. The lady did say I wouldn't be able to go as blonde as I want to straight away, but I figure I can go brownish and then blonde afterwards. Hell, if they can do the main bit I'll just buy myself a box of dye and finish it off at home. The other thing is cos I want it cut shorter, the hair that's left won't have so much dye on it. I've been using semi-permanent dye since November or so anyways and that should be easlier to deal with.

I'm really looking forward to this. I didn't realise how much I was until I was told I couldn't have the strand test done today. I know it's been three years since I *got* red hair, but I've never got used to it. Like my tattoo, I see it and think "Oh yeah, forgot about that". I still think of clothes choices as to how they work with blonde hair and since my favourite shade of raspberry is too close to my current hair colour that can cause problems.

It's odd. It's like the old Kate is peeping back though. She'd been squished by the "wanting to play at being a housewife Kate", who wore long skirts and big jumpers. The only bit left was the fact I still wore red and black stripy stockings. I'm looking forward to getting myself back. Short blonde hair, a beer in one hand and a pool cue in the other - I may even finally go and get that other tattoo that I'd been putting off in case I got pregnant again.

A. was trying to help me think of ways to "rebel" (his word not mine) and everything he came up with was something that I'd either already done (my hummingbird tattoo was the result of splitting with Jon at uni who hated tattoos) or something that wouldn't have bothered the Yeti. I guess that finding my old self isn't really rebelling but I'd buried her so deep it feels like it is.

Treasure Hunting

I went on a hunt for clothes in the cupboard under the stairs today.

I knew I hadn't thrown out all the little tops and corsets I used to wear, just stashed them all under the stairs. So far I've found a bag full of velvet dresses and some of my Ann Summers stuff. I've put the dresses on to wash and I might wear one of them on Saturday. One of them is my floor length silver dress and the others are all short and various shades of raspberry.

I also found one of my corset tops, think it should still fit. Now I just need a mini-skirt and then I can go play pool on Saturday....

Blondness for Mark

Dreams etc...

I had a very odd dream last night. It was my wedding day, and there I was standing in the registry office (exactly as I did). Except this time I turned round and said "Sorry guys, this isn't going to work", grabbed my dad's car keys and drove back up to Wolverhampton. Then I walked into work and asked Richie and Phil to cut and bleach my hair. They said they would, but I had to talk Thomas down from on top of one of the 3 for 2 tables first. So I talked Tom down and then they made me look like Marilyn Monroe - funky white dress and all.

I'm sure there's all sorts of things that can be read into that one! I did nearly buy some hair dye today, but then I decided that it would be safer to have it done properly. So tomorrow I'm going to ring the hairdressing college and find out a) how much it would cost, and b) if they'll fix it if one of the students gets it horribly wrong.

I'm so looking forward to my day off tomorrow. I don't have a lot planned, just to catch up on all the tv I've taped (Doctor Who, Mayo and New Tricks) because I've been doing other things when it's been on. I also need to finish watching Sin City. I've got a food shop being delivered between 4 and 5, but other than that I'm not tied to times. I really should try and go to bed early as I do need the sleep, but since I can sleep-in in the morning I shall go to bed when I'm really sleepy as then I'll drop straight off rather than lying there for ages.

I even went and updated my profile on Friends Reunited today, I'd been putting it off because I couldn't work out what to put without it sounding like a rant but I think I got it ok in the end.

Right, Warcraft is calling....Daggers? Check. Crossbow? Check. Deadly Poisons? Check.

Books...

I bought lots of books today...but they were from the Oxfam shop so I didn't spend much on them.

They're all ones I've read before but didn't own and wanted to.

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Rebecca Wells
Native Tongue - Carl Hiaasen
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe - Douglas Adams
The Snow Spider - Jenny Nimmo (link is to trilogy in one book, the single book is now out of print - which is why I'm so glad I found it)
Emlyn's Moon - Jenny Nimmo The second in the trilogy, I already own the third book.
The Darling Buds of May - H.E. Bates I read this years and years ago, this is the cover my parents copy has, mine has the tv cast.
Harnessing Peacocks - Mary Wesley

Also today I have done lots of bouncing around being hyper cos I got kissed!
(I know, I know....)

Very good day

Just after I posted that last post my doorbell rang and it was A. come round to watch the Grand Prix. He's only just left.

We had a lovely day. Watched the Grand Prix and swopped stories all the way through, I got blamed after saying "Nothing ever happens in the pit lane anymore" and then Jensen Button drove off with his fuel rig still attached...! Then we put lots of CD's onto my computer so I now have The White Stripes, Linkin Park, Metallica and lots of others to listen to. This helps to round out my Media Player slightly as it no longer just contains songs from albums I own, but also songs I like.

A. then announced he was taking me out for a meal as I deserved a treat so we hopped in his car and drove round in circles looking for a place to eat. Since he doesn't know Wolverhampton (he's from Birmingham) and I only know the town centre it took us a while but we found a nice Harvester on the way to Telford and stopped there. We both had very nice steaks and then I got to sample his apple pie while working my way through an enormous chocolate gooey confection.

He was very impressed by my library and took some of the books I was going to donate. Then I spotted the picture of Andy and me that Em gave us for xmas. I removed it from the frame and ripped it up and A. then decided we should burn the bits. A small bonfire in the back garden followed, with lots of laughter and cries of "fucking yeti".

Then I introduced him to Warcraft, which he'd heard about but hadn't played. He likes it I think, since he borrowed the discs and took the 10-day free trial thing. Lucky he's working nights this week or we'd have both been up til the wee small hours playing together.

The Warcraft discovery is the reason he's only just left (shhh Mark) as time gets kinda sucked into that game and he didn't realise how long he'd been playing.

So, I've had a very very nice day with a very very nice man who thinks that "fucking yeti" is a great way to refer to my ex. He also said he's determined to prove to me that not all men are like that...

So I'm off to bed, and I've almost completely forgotten about my hopeless crush. I shall concentrate on A. instead - Emily would approve as he's 6'!

(and yes I did think about ripping his clothes off, but I didn't do it, and yes I did kiss him and yes it was very nice!)

Goodnight!

Shirt

I wore my new shirt last night. There's a funny story as to how I bought it. I was walking through the shopping centre on my way back to work when someone on my left said "bookselling to stars" so I looked round. Couldn't work out who'd said it (and in what context) but then saw a girl with a Ramones bag walking into a clothes shop. So I walked in the shop and saw this shirt. So I bought it.

I love it when things like that happen.

Ugh...

..I feel groggy today. I didn't even drink that much, one large bottle of Stella before I went out (and I started it at 4 and finished it at 9) and then 5 bottles of Peroni while I was out. But I still feel like I must have drunk three or four times that. Guess it's a sign I'm getting old.

Last night was very good fun. Ok so the fact that all the blokes were flirting with Campbelli was annoying, but that always happens and in the end I just said sod it and danced like a crazy lady. I think I need to get some shoes with slightly less heel cos at 5'11" I'm tall to start with and then when you add my 2" heels all the guys look short. I only ever wear heels when I'm going out dancing, they put me in a party mood as soon as I put them on. Maybe I should buy something a bit different and see what happens.

So many mad things happened last night mainly cos we were hanging out with Jess who is just fabulous! We'd try and recruit her as weekend staff except no-one would ever get any work done, we'd all be too busy laughing. I can still see her standing there in her pink tutu shouting "He's a fucking yeti! A yeti! A fucking yeti! Let's go and kick him in the bollocks, I've got my pointy boots on!"

This blog does now seem to have a life of its own. Everything odd that happened Campbelli would look at me and go "It's going in the blog!". Surreal but nice. I did go back and look at some of my early posts the other day, I'm amazed I've been keeping this for so long and how it's become such a chronicle of my life.

Right, the throbbing in my head has subsided so I shall do the washing-up and then try to tidy my library a bit before A. comes round. He wants to see if any of the books I'm getting rid of are ones he'd want. I shall attempt to get all the books I want to keep onto shelves and stack the others neatly. One day I will get all my books catalogued - I will, I will!

Just discovered I won £10 on the lottery last night! I shall put that towards those boots...

Fucking Yeti!

Campbelli, Katie W and Jess (Katie's sis) came up with the perfect description for Phoenix - fucking yeti.

Campbelli - "Think about it, he's hairy, scruffy as fuck and he always smelt ike sweat, fucking yeti!"

Jess decided we should all go to the Gifford and beat him up but I think we talked her out of it (if only cos her wardrobe of a black tight top and a pink tutu wouldn't have worked in the Gifford).

I'm definately going blonde though. Campbelli got all the attention tonight, despite me wearing less than her. I know I'm not really ready for a relationship yet, but I'd really like a fling to prove to myself that I'm still gorgeous.

Having dreams about ripping my crushes clothes off doesn't really help. Still, tomorrow A. is coming round to watch the Grand Prix and although I probably won't actually rip his clothes off, I might well think about it.

All the blokes that weren';t worth it tonight got called yeti, which was a bit mean, after all there's a certain amount of fucking useless you have to be to be that much of a fool to be a yeti.

Campbelli is here.....

Hello all I have invaded the Goddesses blog with lots of help seeing as I struggle just to switch these things on. Hope I don't crash the whole thing when left unsupervised. Wish me luck all!
Am just on way out with the Goddess herself, plan on getting her very drunk and dancing like a mad woman around her! Unless my new shoes cripple me of course (how we women must suffer). Have to say am shocked about the fact that the Goddess still has revealed her terrible music tapes to the world. Still it could be worse it could have been a Bad Boys Inc tape.

Kate: My Bad Boys Inc tape is upstairs somewhere...but Campbelli was a member of their fan club too!

Tatting

Links have now been added to my books post and I've added a nice countdown thingy to the sidebar too.

Now that I've idled my afternoon away with Warcraft and MySpace and MSN Messengering A. I shall get all dressed up and ready to dance with my lovely Campbelli.

Have a good evening guys, I'll try and blog about it tomorrow but A. is coming round to watch the Grand Prix with me and then apparently we're going out somewhere nice so I might not manage it. (As far as I know he hasn't found his way here yet).

My girls

These are my three Warcraft girls, aren't they beautiful!

Done!

My house is all sparkly and clean and smells mostly of Dettol. I managed to stop Foley climbing into the sink while I was bleaching it and saved Esme from the mean vacuum cleaner too.

Now for some serious WoW playing. Where did I leave my sword.....

Wooooooooooooooooooooo!

So I'm curled up in bed, half awake, half asleep, with the man I have a crush on nibbling at my neck....and purring...

!?!?!?!?!?!

Well at least Foley loves me! Silly cat.

It was a nice way to wake up though.

It was even nicer that when I got downstairs and started doing things with washing that when the doorbell rang it was the postman with MY NEW BROADBAND ROUTER!!!!!!

I was so happy I nearly kissed him. But I controlled myself for once and instead just gave him a very big smile and lots of thankyous.

Now I'm all connected up again and the internet is back to its usual speedy self.

I just have to get all my cleaning done before I decide to immerse myself in WoW for the day.

To-Do List

Dark load of washing,
White load of washing,
Clean bathroom,
Hoover through house,
Mop through bathroom and kitchen.

That should all be done in about an hour (since I do it each week it never takes long) and then I can open some beer and play!

Man list

(there were a few more "juicy" suggestions in the original list, but I've left them out so that I don't shatter all your pre-conceived ideas about me in one go. Besides, Campbelli was only guessing about the leather....)

1. Single.
2. Straight.
3. Solvent.
4. Not too high-maintenance, but not a scruff-bum either.
5. Must read – but not true crime.
6. Not too old (unless Keanu Reeves, George Clooney or Sean Connery).
7. Must be able to cook and wash-up (and actually do them too).
8. Must like wine.
9. Non-smoker.
10. Must understand need for chocolate.
11. Must like/tolerate Marmite.
12. Must like Grand Prix.
13. Must understand Warcraft addiction.
14. Smart dresser – more like Chris than Fingers though.
15. Sympathetic when I have PMT.
16. MUST UNDERSTAND DISCWORLD (or at least try to).
17. Capable of having random conversations.
18. Must fund Subway habit.
19. Non-scary family.
20. Must like cats.
21. Must provide own dirty movies.
22. Willy must be big.
23. Must be able to laugh when Position of the Fortnight goes wrong resulting in trip to Casualty.
24. Should be strong enough to put up a good fight.
25. Should know the key characters in LOTR.
26. Needs to have a car.
27. Must enjoy long, random walks holding hands in the countryside.
28. Able to buy flowers on non-special occassions.
29. Not scared of romance.
30. Must have a passport.
31. Must want children one day.
32. No embarrassing ring-tones.
33. Able to dance without looking completely mad.
34. No shorter than 5’10”.
35. Must be able to tolerate addiction to 60’s/70’s music and sometimes cheesy pop.
36. Not a homicidal maniac.
37. Must be a gentleman.
38. Nice bottom.
39. Not afraid to try new things.

Campbelli and Phil are mostly responsible for numbers 4,16,21,22,23,24,26,27 & 38. Emily insists on number 34, and Jen, Tom, Lucy and Harriet also contributed to the list. (It was a slow Saturday.)

The man I have a crush on scores 19 yeses, 7 nos and 13 don't-knows.
The Third Man (also known as A.) scores 29 yeses, and 10 don't knows.
Andy scores 9 yeses and 30 nos.

Hmmmm........

Mad Crazy Bouncy Day

I had a great day today. I woke up singing, bounced downstairs and got everything I needed to do done with time to spare.

Work was fun too! Campbelli didn't get her Merry Hell job, but it means she gets to stay with us! Richie was being mad Friday Richie in his nice pink jumper, and Phil wasn't having a good day although it improved for him once he started trying to decide which customers I should date. He'd left by the time the nicest one came in. 6' tall, dark hair, rugby shirt and a very nice bum. I got caught staring at his arse though when he turned round to ask me a question about some Natural History books while I was hiding behind the DIY browser. He was very nice, but made Richie Fingers call me a bitch on heat. I'm not on heat, I just appreciate nice bottoms - and they also help distract me from the major crush I have at the moment.

Honestly, just admitting I have a crush makes me feel about 15, it's ridiculous! But nice to think of him while I wander about at work, and then to see a real-life gorgeous man just topped it all off nicely.

Coming home to find Andy waiting for his pc wasn't so nice. I opened the door to him and just thought to myself "Why?". How could the girl who goes for cute guys, with short hair you want to run your fingers though and a mind that can keep up with my flights of fancy; how could I fall for, let alone marry a non-cute guy with long hair who doesn't read. Ok, so the whole "going to study philosophy" thing may have charmed me, but he never did that in the end, and I can't remember him reading anything that wasn't a wrestling book in the nearly 4 years we were together.

I have to find that list that the guys at work wrote me. Then I can work my way down it and see where my crush is flawed (and hopefully get over him that way). I might even post it on here and get extra contributions from you lot.

I also went clothes shopping today. Attempting to find something with the guidelines I had (Mark: "Wear less", Campbelli: "Something tight", Phil: "Just don't wear anything") was difficult but in the end I found a very nice shirt that just had to be mine. When you see a photo you'll understand why.

Tonight is chilling night again. I have the rest of Sin City to watch and I think I'm going to have to watch Notting Hill too.

Totally shit day

So, I wake up feeling like fat exhausted slug woman. Stumble to the bathroom and discover exactly why I feel like this. Get soaked on my way to work despite my umbrella.

Work is tolerable due to the fact it's payday and I go and buy lots of M&M's and Cheery Coke. I also bought The Bitch Goddess' Notebook - get to page 23 and burst into tears. Campbelli is now borrowing it until I feel able to actually read it.

Get home soaked again and almost drown bringing the bin in. Sit down at the pc ready for a nice evening of Warcraft...and the modem won't work.

Where Foley bit through the power cable and we had it repaired has finally given up the ghost. So I'm back on AOL free trial dial-up and it takes me 15 minutes to find the BT phone number online because AOL is so damn slow.

So I've ordered a new modem (£25 that I can't really afford) and it will arrive on Monday, when I'm at work so I'll actually get it on Wednesday.

I'm going to curl up on the sofa with my Cherry Coke, M&M's, fuzzy blanket (I'm already in my pjs) and cross-stitch. Then maybe the day will improve.

Bleh.

Top Ten Books

This is all due to Mark trying to come up with a list of ten books and making me think about mine.

So after quite a lot of thinking, and some blatant cheating by creating a separate childrens list, here is my top ten...I mean twenty.

Adults Books

1. Skallagrigg – William Horwood
2. 1984 – George Orwell
3. Stranger in a Strange Land – Robert Heinlein
4. The Lord of the Rings – J.R.R. Tolkien
5. I Capture the Castle – Dodie Smith
6. Thornyhold – Mary Stewart
7. The Eight – Katherine Neville
8. Omega – Stewart Farrar
9. The Probable Future – Alice Hoffman
10. American Gods – Neil Gaiman


Childrens Books

1. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien.
2. Fire and Hemlock – Diana Wynne Jones
3. Saffy’s Angel/Indigo’s Star/Permanent Rose – Hilary McKay (separate links here)
4. Green Angel – Alice Hoffman
5. Linnets and Valerians – Elizabeth Goudge
6. A Hat Full of Sky – Terry Pratchett
7. The Dark is Rising Sequence – Susan Cooper
8. Dogger – Shirley Hughes
9. Howl’s Moving Castle – Diana Wynne Jones
10. Sabriel/Lirael/Abhorsen – Garth Nix

I know I've also cheated by including series', but they are ones where the whole series has changed me. I'm sure that when Caddy Ever After gets published it will be added in there too, and Wintersmith also stands a chance.

(I'll add some more links to my list tomorrow when I'm not so sleepy!)

My burglar alarm...

...has hiccups.

Recently it's been going beep every now and again. The alarm whistles and the strobe light in the bedroom flashes (last owners were deaf). This only happens when I am standing in the bedroom doorway and it's been scaring the hell out of me. It first did it on Friday and has done it a few more times since then, frightening me each time.

It did it just now as I went to sort some washing. I step off the top step and step outside the bedroom doorway and the alarm hiccups. I stepped back into the same place (from inside the bedroom) and it did it again. I then bounced up and down in that spot and it did it lots more.

I think there must be a loose connection under the floor there where the wire comes up the stairs and across the threshold to run up the bedroom wall. It's reassured me slightly cos now I know it shouldn't wake me up in the middle of the night (just the cats doing that then) and it should be fixable.

"Contact letting agents about alarm" - added to To-Do list.

Pants

After that earlier post I went hunting for those 18th birthday tapes to see exactly what was on them and post the list on here. But I cannot find them. I thought I knew which box they were in, but again that box has gone.....

Instead I found some of the mix tapes I used to make, combinations of songs from the radio, other tapes and my parent's music. I present tapes 1, 5 and 9.

These are very very bad sometimes, I would apologise but I feel it wouldn't be quite enough.

----------------------------

Kate's Tape 1 (no date)

Get Ready For This
Preacher Man
The Stonk
Change
Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm
Jump To The Beat
U Can't Touch This
The Power
Do The Bartman
Moanin' Lisa Blues
Deep, Deep Trouble
Games
I'll Be Back
3am Eternal
Everybody's Free
Ring, Ring, Ring
The Grease Mega Mix
Shocked
Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Caravan Song
Piano Man

(no artists names recorded, but I know you know some of them. All I can say about this one is oh dear. But I still like Piano Man)

Kate's Tape V November '93

Babe - Take That
It Only Takes A Minute Girl - Take That
A Million Love Songs - Take That
I Can't Tell You Why - The Eagles
The Long Run - The Eagles
Everything Changes - Take That
Heartache Tonight - The Eagles
Pray - Take That
Seven Bridges Road - The Eagles
Wasting My Time - Take That
Love Ain't Here Anymore - Take That
Victim Of Love - The Eagles
Why Can't I Wake Up With You - Take That
The Sad Cafe - The Eagles
You Are The One - Take That
Another Crack In My Heart - Take That
Babe - Take That
It Only Takes A Minute - Take That
A Million Love Songs - Take That
Dreams - Gabrielle
Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel
Helplessly Hoping - Crosby, Stills & Nash

(I was obviously having a Take That/Eagles moment on this one. Does having R.E.M. on there redeem it a little? or insult R.E.M.?)

Kate's Tape IX (no date)

Crazy For You - Let Loose
The Power Of Love - Huey Lewis & The News
Blame It On Me - D:REAM
Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel
Seven Seconds - Youssen D'our & Neneh Cherry
Always - Bon Jovi
If You Leave Me Now - Chicago
Secret - Madonna
Desperado - The Eagles
Bright Eyes - Art Garfunkel
Devotion - Sean Maguire
Searching - China Black
Dreamlover - Mariah Carey
A Million Love Songs - Take That
Cryin' - Aerosmith
Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
Seventeen - Let Loose
Sweetness - Michelle Gayle
Stars - China Black
Song For You - Chicago
Someone To Love - Sean Maguire
Tell Her About It - Billy Joel
Some Girls - Ultimate Kaos
Strangest Party - INXS
She's Got That Vibe - R. Kelly
The Division Bell - Pink Floyd

(easiest the strangest combination of songs. I think the Let Loose and Michelle Gayle should be enough to date it, and where did the Pink Floyd come from?)

I would like to attempt to apologise for these after all. To my sister certainly, whose own taste in music is legendary (MUSE!!!!) and certainly to Mark, who is probably feeling very very frightened right now.

So here's a much better apology than I could ever muster.

Ok, bear with me...

I was walking home thinking about posting something about music. About the mix tapes I used to love making and the memories I had of the people I made them for.

Then I thought about the tapes I have from my 18th birthday, when my dad got me to choose my 100 favourite songs and put them onto a reel-to-reel and onto cassettes for me. I thought about the songs I picked then and how I would choose a few of them again if I had to choose my top 100 now.

Then I was thinking about the various songs that have captured me at different times and how I've changed from song to song.

Then "Everything Changes" came of my MP3 player and made me giggle - everything does indeed change. I'm sure that song is on my 18th birthday mix, yet I only started listening to it again when I bought myself the greatest hits CD for my 27th birthday.

One song that I thought of was "Let It Be" (by The Beatles of course). I can remember listening to this on repeat for a whole day once. It was the day that David found out I was seeing Jon and I had to decide what to do. Did I try to rebuild a relationship with a guy I had lots in common with, but who lived 200 miles away. Or did I try things with a guy I'd only just met but already felt a great deal for. That day lying in bed and listening to "Let It Be" over and over and over was a day in limbo, where I was so scared of making that decision that I couldn't make any decision at all.
I've always been scared of jumping into water and that was a jump like that. I was wobbling about on a pillar, knowing I had to jump, but unable to choose which way.

Ever relationship I've had had finished like that, teetering on the edge and having to make a choice. Except this last one. I wasn't on that pillar, I was on firm ground when it suddenly went from under me. I fell for a little while, purely cos I thought that was what I had to do.

Then I said no.

Then I opened my eyes and opened my eyes again*.

Then I flew.

Ok, so there are times when it gets a bit wobbly (like the other night), but I know that they're unavoidable really. Yeah, I can drink less when I go out, and I can stop having such high expectations -instead of go out, drink lots, flirt lots; make it go out, drink a bit, dance lots.

I know I can do this, and I'm going to. Life is something everybody does, after all.

*Hoicked from "A Hat Full of Sky" by Terry Pratchett.

Ahhhhhhhhh.....

It's been a good day.

I have watched films and football and chatted on MSN lots and played some WoW and had very nice Waitrose pie and chocolate.

The kittens have been fuzzy, the sunshine has been bouncing rainbows round my house and I managed to have the living room window open for a whole 30 minutes before Foley tried to escape.

I have followed every link I could on various peoples blogs and websites too - in an attempt to learn new things, and I did.

My kitchen is still lovely and clean too!





Can you tell I like having broadband so I can play around with extra photos!

Monday, Monday

This is the first Easter Monday ever where I haven't had to do anything. Guess it's a benefit of growing up, you don't get the two week Easter holidays but you don't have to do everything you're told.

Emily has uploaded some photos of Saturday night and I shall put my favourites on here too.







I've slso added pictures to my Sunny Essex post.

I'm now going to watch the Disney film of The Moonspinners. Nowhere near as good as the book, but the addition of Hayley Mills makes it ok, although the Nicky in the book is a very different girl to the one in the film. Later I've got Robin Hood to watch too!

Now where did I put that chocolate.....

BROADBAND!!!!

I'm got my broadband back!

During a MSN chat with the "third man" (as mentioned in last nights drunken rant) I explained that I currently only had dial-up and that it was because I had no idea where the disc with the modem software was.

He has the same modem, and he has his disc. So after a further discussion on MSN we met up to see if it was a case of me borrowing it, or him coming and installing it.

He not only came and installed it, he also did all my Windows and anti-virus updates for me too!

So I have broadband and I have been reminded that there are some very nice men out there, they just need looking for in other places than nightclubs.

WoW is also all installed, the pictures are on the London Calling post and Emily's MSN thing states that she "is in love with Indiana Beaver".

Bed time for me now, and I'll actually get a lie-in in the morning! I have only two things I have to do tomorrow, go into town and get phone credit, and email a very big thankyou to a very very nice man.

UNBE-BEAVERABLE!

Emily's home.....

Difficult

Everyone tells me that I'm coping so well when I feel like I'm falling apart on the little things.

Mum spent the day cleaning my kitchen, which was fine, but then she had a go at me for not having cleaned the cooker since he moved out. I tried to say that it was because I can only do a certain amount of cleaning before getting depressed so I stop before that and do something else - but she "doesn't believe" in depression. She tried to think positive all the time, which is fine, but she doesn't let anyone else slip even for a moment.

Ok, so my cooker top was a mess, but I hadn't gone out and spent £50 on vodka which I could have done.

----------------

I went out tonight with Emily, Katie W and Matt. It was a good time, I lost once at pool and then beat Matt in the rematch (which considering I hadn't played for 6 years was pretty good). The problem came when we went to Blastoff @ The Civic. Katie wanted to find me a nice man to snog, and there weren't any. There were a few ok guys, but they all either had girls or turned away when I flirted. It just made me feel a bit crap, which is why I'm posting.

It's a bugger that the two men I really like at the moment are so not suitable, and that I have no mobile credit to flirt with a third one!

This came on in the cab home and I hope it's true, cos it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

----------------------

Is it wrong to want to feel like you're the most important person in the world? To feel adored and loved and safe?

I shall go to bed with my cats and cry, and dream of a better tomorrow.

Grrrrrr...

Ok, so I'm back and the living room is rearranged and the new pc all set up except...

...we can't get the broadband running. The original discs for installing it have vanished (I suspect a certain person may have *accidentally* taken them with him) and despite the fact I emailed BT last week to get them to send new discs, none have yet arrived.

So this is being typed via a very very s-l-o-w dial-up free trial and I want my broadband back!

Bleh, going to bed!

Restful Thursday

Well apart from the cleaning I did earlier to help my dad.

I still don't have pictures from yesterday cos Emily was at work all day and then only came home for long enough to get changed before heading out to see Story of the Year at the Astoria tonight. Hopefully I'll get them off her tomorrow before we start the long journey northwards.

I did a bit of tatting with the sidebar earlier, put in my April things and added a new blog that I came across by accident.

I'm not sure if the next time I post it'll be from my new shiny Dell pc or not, it depends if BT have sent through a copy of their internet software to me - or if we can find the original disc!

I'm off to play a large amount of Neopets games and possibly even get an early night for once!

London Calling

We actually managed to leave the house quite early for our trip and wandered through the park talking about where we should go first. We decided to go straight to Notting Hill because it was a straightforward tube journey and then plan our day from there.

So we get to Notting Hill and find the shop where The Bookseller To The Stars works and we head inside.
Can't see him anywhere so ask a nice young lady at the counter...

"Hi, um, is Mark about?"

"Oh, he's not in today I'm afraid."

D'oh!!! Plans for surprising him are dashed.

"Are you Kate?" enquires the lass behind the counter.

"Yeeeeesssss" I say, surprised.

"Ah, he phoned earlier and said you might be in. Here's his number, give him a ring and he'll be here in about 5 minutes".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a very good thing I'd posted that little throw-away comment at the end of my earlier post. It's also a very good thing that he'd read my blog that morning and promptly phoned his colleagues to tell them to give me his number!

Emily announces she NEEDS Starbucks and we depart the shop.

I phone Mark and arrange to meet him outside the Starbucks (just over the road from his work) and while Emily enjoys her caramel latte thing (and eyes up the workmen) I keep my eyes out for a person who looks like a Bookseller To The Stars.

One duely appears and after lots of "Oh my god I couldn't believe it was your day off" he takes us on a tour of Notting Hill. I'm very glad it was his day off actually, as that guided tour was great and a short hello while he was working would have been a bit pants (well, not pants, but pants compared to the fun that actually happened).

We wandered along the Portobello Road and while Emily took pictures and drooled over shop windows we nattered about all sorts. We saw the Travel Bookshop, the blue door (which is now black) from the film, and Mark decided he needed a giant cowboy boot chair. We did spend some money in a very nice shop - Mark bought a bag and I found a badge for Emily that says "Sheep Worrier". None of the badges seemed quite right for me until Mark selected "Looking for love, will settle for sex" and I promply purchased it and then pinned it to my jumper.

After a drink in a nice local pub (where we met one of his regular customers who is a great bloke) Mark had to take his leave, to get on with whatever day-off activities he'd been planning to do before we turned up! Emily took a nice couple of pictures of us next to an elephant and then we parted, promising blog comments in the future and a possible meeting at Reading.



Next stop was Grant and Cutler (as recommended by Mark) for a copy of "The Dolls House" by Ibsen. Emily's doing an essay on it and wanted to pick up a Norwegian edition so she could compare it to her translated one. Unfortunately it was £19.95 so she decided that for the sake of two paragraphs she would pass on it.

Then we wandered down Carnaby Street, stopping in at Pret a Manger (smoked salmon sandwiches for lunch, yum!), David & Goliath, (where we would have spent so much money if we had any) and bnevertoobusytobebeautiful where we wandered around sniffing things (and wished we had money).

In Hamleys we wandered about stroking the soft toys and then Emily bought a beaver. Originally called Dave, he has now become Indiana Beaver....


We finally got to Camden about 4.30pm and then wandered round the shops laughing at the t-shirt slogans....and wishing we had money. (Noticing a theme here? skint student and recently abandoned girlie in London with very little dosh).

I need to go back to Notting Hill with money to buy all the cute things I saw in shops (and to buy Mark some drinks). I've got my lottery ticket so keep your fingers crossed. If I don't win I guess I'll just have to book some time off in a week just after payday and then make sure I visit on his day off again. Then I can shop and have someone to carry the bags (just joking).

I am now very sleepy, but had a totally splendid day, so I shall post this so that Mark can add comments of his own and update it tomorrow when I can get the photos off Emily.

I made fruit crumble!

...and I'm ridicuously proud of the fact.

I went to stay at my friend Pami's last night, I haven't seen her for ages and ages so it was lovely, plus I'd never been to her *new* house (she moved in 2 years ago).

We cooked up roast beef, yorkshire pud (I made the batter), roast potatoes (which I peeled) and parsnips, and steamed swede, squash and cabbage (which I chopped). Then she taught me how to get very messy making fruit crumble.

This obviously involved lots of gossiping at the same time and plenty of exclamations from her about the fact I can't really cook. She had a mother who wanted help in the kitchen and taught at the same time, mine wants you out from under her feet. But I cooked with Pami, and ate the crumble too - and I've always thought I didn't like it. It's made me more determined to make some of the recipes I have at home. Rather than just have lots of French cookbooks, I'm going to use them too. I might even see if there's a basic cooking course I can sign up to at one of the colleges, if it's cheap enough anyways.

My horoscope for today says:

You might find yourself really interested in getting out and doing something with the special people in your life, KATE. This is thanks to the day's planetary aspects, which are conspiring to make this a perfect time to get together. Is there a place you've been curious about and have wanted to visit? If so, go today. Pack up the family or friends, and head out for a fun day checking it out.

Good job I'm off to London with Emily then, going to all sorts of lovely places....Covent Garden, Selfridges (to photograph that expensive sandwich), and of course the real reason I'm going to London - to visit a bookshop.....in Notting Hill.

I'll let you know how it goes.....

Congratulations...

...to Miss S. Campbell who has worked out the comments system. I had wondered why she'd looked so puzzled when I was talking about the comments people hd been making. (((hugs))) love you Campbelli, I'm so glad I didn't poison you on Saturday with Phoenix's nasty abandoned vodka.

I have just discovered a new favourite thing - this. How cool is that! The only problem is I'd put it in my library with all my other books and then never see it. I can't buy it this month (have expensive leather DiscWorld books to pay for) but may well allocate part of my May wages to it...unless I've spotted something even funkier by then.

I love being at home, but I'm not fond of this keyboard. It keeps missing letters out for some reason. (6 in that last sentence). I bite my nails so tend to type with the tips of my fingers, but on this keyboard I have to type with the pads of my fingers and it's giving me cramp in my right hand! I am trying to grow my nails btw and if my new computer keyboard is like this one I may try out some false nails for next weekend. I shall get Katie W to take a picture of me with talons if I do.

Essex is cloudy this morning, but it was so randomly nice to drift awake to the sound of Radio 4 from my parents room. I have been hearing that for such a long time! Emily is in bed and wuoldn't even get up to look at the funky thing, but she says she'll see it later. Mum's gone to work, and dad is reading downstairs and watching the birds in the back garden.

Life is good....I shall get Emily to take lots of pictures of it later.

Back in sunny Essex

That wasn't too bad a trip actually. I sat next to quite a cute guy on the train to London and we did the whole accidentally elbowing each other thing like you do on trains. The tube was easy - took my usual route of northern line to Bank and then Central to Liverpool Street. Then I caught a train full of Essex children back to Billericay.

The walk from the station was perfect though. Walking down paths that I've walked for over 20 years, seeing how things have changed and also how they haven't.


Noticing the new graffitti on the fences and the new railings in the park (designed to stop children falling in the lake). Trying to decide whether to take the "new" path round the lake (that's been there 10 years, easy) but in the end taking the same route home, past new and old things that just all come together to say HOME.


I don't know if I'll ever feel this way about anywhere else, don't know if I'll ever live anywhere for as long (although allowing for uni and living it Wolves it's probably only been about 17 years....) but I know what there are certain things that just seem to come together and sing in my mind. There are so many layers of memories associated with each place and each walk both adds another layer and refreshes the old ones.

The house is the same, new things in it of course but essentially still the same house where I remember sitting on the pearl-divers trunk in the corner of the living-room on the day we moved in. I had a moving bag containing a box of Maltesers (big treat) and Puffin's Stories for Seven Year Olds (I was five) with a Shirley Hughes illustration on the cover.

It's good to be back, tensions I didn't realise I had all fell away during that walk home.

Now I am going to play some cheesy Neopets games until my mum and sister get back from work (Dad's watching golf downstairs so I'm leaving him in peace) and then Emily will probably help me set up bits of my new pc.

I'm going to drag Emily around with her camera tomorrow and get her to take lots of pictures of things and places that I thought I'd forgotten but that my heart remembered.

Marbles in my brain

That was a goooooooood night....

But today I feel a little groggy. I dunno why, I drank exactly the same amount as I did when I went out with Campbelli before. I think it might have something to do with the fact I still had half my last big bottle of Stella left when Katie called the cab and I had to drink it fast.

But I had a good night, and we're going to do it all again in two weeks!




(I've just seen what Esme was doing in the background of that second picture. She eats her food like that cat in the adverts, fishing it out of the bowl with her paw then eating it.)

Saturday night with Campbelli and Katie W

We are calling a cab soon, but so far this evening has involved talking about sex, men, clothes, holidays and more sex.

They've both read (and raved) over this blog too.

But the quote of the night has to be:

Don't tell a girl who's 50-50 that. You know I so would - Campbelli

I'll leave you guessing on that one....

G'night!

Tiring week

It's been a long week this week. One of the quirks of the rota means that I do 4 days, then have a Sunday off, then do 5 days. Add in the fact I was up early on Sunday and it means I'm knackered!

Quote of the week came from Campbelli after I had an idea for a dumpbin display:

"You've just had the best idea that I've had all day!"

I did have a bit of luck with my train ticket home. I'd been expecting to pay £30+ for a ticket but managed to get one for just £13.50! That will take me all the way home to sunny Billericay with the only changes being the tube. The timetable thing reckons that it'll only take a few hours, I'm catching the 12.05 train and then should be in Billericay by 15.26 apparently. I doubt it though.

I'd just like to say that it's so nice to have been added to visitors links.
Especially to be described as "Vigorous" by Overnight Editor. Thanks guys, I feel all warm and loved.

I'm going out with Campbelli again tomorrow. She's going to crash here for the night too so I have to make her up a bed and attempt to keep it cat free so she doesn't sneeze all night. Katie W is also coming out with us now that she's back from uni for the holidays. It's so nice seeing the kids again. We were going to try to recruit Matt too but he's away for the weekend so we don't get to flirt outrageously with him. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other candidates there though.

I'm finally getting used to having the house to myself. I mean, I was spending so much time here alone even before we split up, but it's different knowing that I'm definately alone for the night. I moved the bedroom round last week and it's been lovely to sleep in a proper bed again.

I'm going to check my email and then I think I might go to bed.

Exciting News...

EMILY GOT READING TICKETS!!!

Ok, so not MY exciting news, but still exciting.

My only exciting news is that my next set of half-leather bound DiscWorld hardbacks arrived so now I have 15 beautiful DiscWorld books sitting on their own special shelf. They're almost certainly never going to be read as I have copies of all the books, but they look damn good.

Right, work...

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Well, sort of.

I went back to bed after the rather eventful Australian Grand Prix. I don't have to get up that early again until October and the Chinese one.

Then when I eventually got up again I did some laundry, washing-up, 2 lots of 15 minutes in the kitchen, 15 minutes in the living room, hoovered right through downstairs and then mopped through to remove the last traces of the enormous amounts of mud that Phoenix managed to leave behind him. Now my house is shiny and nice and MINE!

After all that I remembered to have some lunch (I keep forgetting to eat) and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on my nice big bed listening to Robbie Williams, snuggling with the cats and reading David Eddings.

Once again I haven't really done any of my March Things. I've read all three Travelling Pants books, the 11 Stephanie Plum books (and the Xmas novella too), 8 Tamora Pierce books and 5 David Eddings books (The Belgariad series, about to start the Mallorean series). But no Catcher or Great Expectations, let alone S&A's reviews.

I've done a bit of the footstool, but I've only really done any work in it in the last week. Before that I wasn't in the mood to work on a present for Phoenix's grandmother so I've been doing the Desperate Housewife one instead. I've done all the coloured bits and I've started on the backstitched outlines now. I will post photos to show where I've got to, but not until after Easter when I get my new shiny PC (as this one is Phoenix's, but he's letting me hang onto it until my parents bring me back here with my new Dell one).

Now I shall watch Mayo, see what colour my hair dries as (new hair dye) and do some more work on that footstool.

Bleh

Am I "several shades of crazy"? (as Campbelli would say)

After all, why else would I have hauled myself out of my nice snuggly bed to watch "a load of cars going round in circles" at 5am...

(The round in circles quote comes from my assistant manager Chris - not a motorsport fan)

It is nice to log on to MSN and see that my sister is online though. Reassures me that it's genetic at least!

Oooh, they're about to start. Who'll crash first?

Montoya spun before he got to the grid and then Fisichella stalled so new formation lap....that'll be Trulli spinning and clouting Coulthard, Massa's gone into the wall after a moment with Klien (who likes making people crash), and Montoya trying to take Raikkonen out yet again. Re-start.

This is why I get up so bloody early...

Working Saturday

I'm never sure whether I enjoy working Saturdays or not.

I love the fact that I work with such a great bunch of people that there is always at least one point when I am crying with laughter (3 times today - partly due to Phil putting rubber bands round his forehead and then getting them stuck). I love that there is always one conversation that leaves you going "huh? How did we start talking about otters?".

I hate the fact that you seem to get all the nutters and lazy people. The people who will ask you where a book is and then when you point it out on the browser behind them seem to expect you to walk round the counter and get it for them, rather than them stepping across 6 inches and picking it up themselves. I hate the people who walk into the edge of the tables (cos it's only a big black table covered in books - sooo invisible!) and knock the stock off it and just walk away, or worse kick it underneath. The lady who did this today at least had the grace to look ashamed when I asked her not to kick the books about (from my position on the other side of the table where I was tidying). As for the people who lie books on the top of the shelf and then knock them down the back....

*sigh* stupid people, they just seem to be everywhere on a Saturday. They manage not to see any of the 5 million posters advertising our 3-4-2 on all kids books and then get all snotty at the till when we tell them they can get another book free. Hello! We're doing you a favour Mr. I-Can't-Be-Arsed-To-Pay-Attention-To-My-Surroundings! We are telling you that you can have a free book!

As for the confusion that ensues from our "Up to Half Price" offer....
"So is this one half price?"
"No, that one has £4 off"
"But it says half price on the shelf"
"No, it says UP to half price. Some books are half price, others just have a few pounds off"
"Oh, so how much is it?"

I do love my job, I do, I do. I work with the best people in the world, and rarely an hour goes by without us finding something to laugh at (except on changeover day). I love some of the customers too. The regulars who always ask how we are, the people who are polite, all of that. I could just do without the muppets that we get in there too.

This wasn't supposed to be a rant....

I don't have to work a Saturday for a month now, as my next one is Easter Saturday and I'm on holiday that day. But I will be here so may well have to pop in with my folks just to see how everything is going....

In other news: I have a bedroom again. Phoenix moved almost all of his stuff out yesterday and today and yesterday evening I turned our bedroom into MY bedroom. I cleaned and rearranged and rearranged some more. Then I slept in there last night and it was groovy. I have backache from sleeping on a proper bed though, but the cats thought it was great having a big comfy bed to sleep on - they still slept on me though.

I watched Howl's Moving Castle on Wednesday, and again last night. It is one of my favourite books and although the film story is very different it captures the ideas and feelings perfectly. I just wish it had won the Oscar for animation (sorry Wallace).

Right, I should probably eat something and then go to bed, I need to be up for the Australian Grand Prix starting at 5am....