Saturday, April 30, 2005

Wonky Week

It's been a strange week this week. I seem to have been either running around like a mad thing, or doing nothing at all.

I've been feeling really trapped recently. Now I like Wolverhampton, I love the people I've met here, but it's just not green enough for me. Back down in Billericay I'd walk to work down long green streets of houses with gardens and travel on the bus through open countryside. Here I walk down streets full of terraced houses until I reach the ring road, then cross that and I'm in the town centre and at work. I haven't got a car so i can't even get to the countryside that I know is just 15 minutes drive away. I can't wait to go camping at the end of May, and to go home for that week in June. When we buy our house, it MUST have a garden with grass in, or at least be more of a space I can do things with, and ideally it will be somewhere a little more green and growing. I just can't get used to all this concrete.

Tomorrow it's three years since I met Phoenix, the time has just flown by. We met when the Chelmsford Moot held a Beltane ritual in Danbury woods. I went with Pami and was still seeing Luke at the time yet was fascinated by the quiet stranger at the fireside. I miss those woods, they weren't the closest woodland to home, but they were the ones where the moot people went quite a few times, I can remember fire-walking there in Jan/Feb 2002.

The other thing I miss is the sea. I'm not even sure why because we never really used to go there from Billericay (Southend is about 30 mins drive and would be the closest beach I think), but I guess the peace of that holiday at Southwold has really stuck with me. I wish it wasn't so expensive there, it would be the perfect place to spend our July holiday. For now I will keep listening to the sea CD we listen too at night (it's a nice change from thunderstorm sounds).

Still I've had a nice relaxing evening tonight, just chilling with my man and the mad fuzzies. Roll on the rest of the Bank Holiday weekend.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Roses!

I found my rose!



Apparently it costs about £1 a stem, so I shall have to work out sizing for my bouquet.

WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!

The Hills They Are Hollow - Damh the Bard

Damh's Site

As I walk upon this green land,
This land that love,
I see figures of chalk,
Carved into the hillsides above.
Cerne Abbas a man so proud,
And the Long Man opens wide the gates of his world,
And invites you to step inside.

And the hills they are hollow and home to the Fey,
Who dance on Midsummer's Eve,
Some people don't understand when I say,
These are the things I believe.
These are the things I believe.

There is an old circle of stones,
That stands on the moor,
Every moss-covered face,
Tells the secrets of ancient lore.
The Tors stand as guardians,
Witnesses to the Rites of Nature's Gods,
Of Darkness and of Light.

And the hills they are hollow and home to the Fey,
Who dance on Midsummer's Eve,
Some people don't understand when I say,
These are the things I believe.
These are the things I believe.

Let's sing of the mystery,
Of Sacred Land,
See the shapes in the corn,
Made by invisible hands,
Secrets of the Pagan Ways,
Lie all around,
Written upon the Earth,
In rock and Sacred Mound!

And the hills they are hollow and home to the Fey,
Who dance on Midsummer's Eve,
Some people don't understand when I say,
These are the things I believe.
These are the things I believe.

DiscWorld!

Many many moons ago I played the DiscWorld computer games when I was at uni.

I have the third one still, but wanted to track down the first two. This week I managed to buy them both on eBay (along with a Brambly Hedge book, some red glass bottles and a red velvet skirt).

Now my dilemma is the fact that I can't play them both at once!

(Other than that, my week has been quiet, with periods of misery interspersed with moments of joy - pretty normal really)

Monday, April 18, 2005

Carn't Be Trusted - The Bluetones

This just came on Q and I remembered the summer I was 17.

Who is she to say you carn't be trusted?
And come to think of it how does she know?
Her doubt is just her faith in disappointment
She can't be blamed if she decides to go.

Her dignity is what makes her an angel
You know she needs it more than she needs you
It doesn't pay to take these things for granted
Something which you always seem to do
You always seem to do

But she just wants to spend some time with you
Just a minute, or just a moment
Just long enough to throw one clean punch.

Now you've reached the point where she sees through you
Your low-esteem and lack of self-control.
Everything she had she handed to you
And what she didn't give you, you stole.

Sometimes I stop to question it all
Must I look at the stars and live in the dirt?
When all I have to show for my doubt is a blow to the lip
and some blood on my shirt.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Who Should I Vote For?

Well I didn't actually need any help deciding as I'm going to vote Liberal Democrat. But I did this test anyway just in case.

Who Should You Vote For?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat


Your actual outcome:



Labour -58
Conservative -57
Liberal Democrat 82
UK Independence Party -9
Green 37


You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wedding

My top finally arrived yesterday!

I really, really like it. Gorgeous Top It gives me fabulous cleavage for a start.

Now I just need the skirt to turn up and I've nearly done.

My necklace looks fabulous with the bodice. It's a tiny weeny bit long, but we should be able to fix that easily and if not I'll just have to keep fishing the horse out of my cleavage for folks to look at.

My tiara is cute (I'm working on a picture,,,) and now I just need some shoes.

The shoes could well be difficult. I need something with a tiny bit of heel, but it has to be a wedge heel or I'll fall over. Closed toe too.

This afternoon we're off to the registry office too, so that we can give notice and get everything sorted!

I'm off to hunt through the internet for some sparkly shoes, now I just need the invitations to arrive so I can start writing them!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Lazy day

It's been nice and relaxing today.

I read a bit this morning, then came on the pc. Internet browsing and Sims house building followed. Jason came downstairs looking a tad rough (he, Bizkitt and Phoenix went out drinking last night and Jason stayed over) and drank black coffee until his brain was reconnected.

Then I re-started the Simpsons game on the playstation (I'd got all the way to the end and just fancied starting again) and we spent the afternoon playing Simpsons (me) football games (Phoenix) and listening to Kerrang.

This song came on and made me think.
It was this line in particular: "Nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud".

But roses do rise from mud. Adding manure makes them grow even better.

It made me realise that all this shit will just make me stronger in the long run. All this manure will just help me to grow taller, and greener, and to have beautiful big blooms.

So roll on summer, I'm ready to bloom again.

NASA Rose
Orange and Yellow Rose
Pink and White Rose
Cream and Red Rose

All those roses have reminded me that I've got to get onto the florist to see if they can track down the roses that I want for my bouquet. (Very dark red with yellow snips on - saw them once, in Chelmsford, three years ago).

Mitfords, Mitfords everywhere....

For the last three months or so, the Mitford sisters have been turning up everywhere I look.

I'd decided that since they were turning up all over the place I'd better find out a bit more about them and decided to go to the library when I got back after Easter.

Over the Easter weekend I had a conversation with mum about the holiday they'd just been on where they'd stayed near the Mitfords childhood home, dad turned on the tv on Sunday morning (to change the clock) and Ben Fogle was walking through the graveyard where Nancy and Unity are buried. Then later we were watching a documentary about Freddie Mercury and they had an interview with his main costume designer...Diana Mosely. Obviously not the Diana Mosley (nee Mitford), but still....

So I'm reading all about them at the moment, something which has reaffirmed to me the fact that while books like Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre don't do anything for me, books/people/places from the first half of the 20th century (especially between the wars and during the Second World War) really do catch at my heart.

I've felt a bit guilty about not liking those books, because they're so obviously ones that you're supposed to adore. But they just don't do anything for me. So I shall read them, and say "That was ok." and then get on with reading the stuff that calls to me.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Losing Faith

Recently I haven't been very spiritual at all.

I think the fact that the first half of last year was a rollercoaster of wonderful spiritual events and adventures, and then the second half had me questioning everything has really shaken me.

Would I have fallen so hard if I hadn't finally been feeling good about myself?

I think I would have fallen harder. The fact that I'd had that faith in myself at last, enabled me to get through the time when no-one seemed to have any faith in me.

Could I have reacted any differently at the time?

Looking back, of course there are things I would change, but that's with hindsight. Put back into that situation again, without the knowledge I have now. I'd react exactly the same way.

Being told repeatedly to trust your instinct and your gut, and then all of a sudden being told that you're wrong is always going to shake things up in your head. But I think that if I hadn't been being told to trust myself first, I would have cracked under the pressure afterwards.

The thing that's sparked this off was...ta-da...another nasty email? how did you guess. We're up to 8 months worth now, and it's been boring for all eight of them. Recently it's been a bit more sporadic, and it's been interesting to see how different events have sparked off the emails. I can post something on here and guarantee something nasty will arrive within 24 hours, but things can be posted elsewhere and also provoke the same response.

Putting that cross-stitch up for the raffle - nasty email.
Mentioning Phil Rickman's books on here - nasty email.
Mentioning the recent births - nasty email.
Mentioning the fact I was traveling home - nasty email (involving firebombing my house, so extra nice!)
Someone else talking in their blog about a trip they'd made - nasty email.
This post - nasty email (for sure).

People keep telling me to just ignore it. "They'll get bored soon", "They'll get it back three-fold" etc. Blimey, that lot of threefold will be interesting to see.

The one that was most interesting was the email after the trip that someone else had made. It talked about the fact I must be jealous that I wasn't there, that I must have been wishing that this person would have a shit time. Why? It wasn't something I would have been interested in doing, it held no appeal for me. Why should I wish them a horrible time? It ties in to the fact that if someone has a bad time on a trip or whatever, I get an email telling me it was my fault.

The other interesting one was the one telling me how upset I must be that Mab is going to Glastonbury rather than my wedding. *eye roll* I would never have asked her to make that choice, in fact the wedding down south is family only anyway. I've supposed to have a tantrum because she's going to have a great time at a festival rather than coming to a wedding where she wouldn't know a single person....???

It just proved to me that the emailer has no clue about me or my life, other than the bits that turn up on here. Sad really. It would be nicer if they actually knew what they were talking about!

Today is a day for cleaning. My house, my mental space...the cat litter trays!

The sun is shining, I have a working hoover, two feather dusters, and two fluffy kittens to watch running away from the hoover.

Life is good.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Registry Office

This may seem like a strange title for a post, but it's because I'm about to blog about a death. In the UK the registry office is where you go to register births, marriages and deaths. All three of these things are being covered in my blog at the moment so the title suggested itself.

Anyhoo.

I just heard that Prince Rainier died this morning. I didn't know a lot about the guy, apart from the stuff that most folks would know, Princess Grace and all that. But he always looked so friendly when he'd be at the Grand Prix and I always felt so sad that he lost her so early.

*raises a glass* To Prince Rainier. May you have peace and be reunited with your Princess Grace.

And while we're at it.

*raises another glass* To Pope John Paul II, or Karol Wojtyla as he was born. May you find the peace and happiness in your afterlife that you always wished for all of us on Earth.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Babies, babies everywhere!

I got a text message this morning to announce that Oliver Ludlow had been born at 3.35am weighing 8.2lbs! It's fabulous news! My cousin Richard and his wife Kim had a baby last year, but young Bruce was unable to stay with them and passed through the veil. But now they have a brother for Bruce and Oliver is doing well!

WarriorMail Mike's wife Rhiannon had their son Liam on Sunday at 1.43pm and he weighed 7.6 lbs!

Wilde also had her son Wyatt recently, but again, he had to leave far too soon. (((hugs)))

All these babies (despite the sadness) are making me feel very very broody!

Monday, April 04, 2005

So, where's YOUR towel?

*happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy dance*

It's coming!!!!

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Alan Rickman as Marvin? HELL YEAH!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Shamelessly stolen from Morganna's Blog

Yup, Morganna posted it, I then read it and decided I liked it soo much I'd do it myself!

1. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandmother's/father's first name + favourite snack): Rose Kettle-Chips

2. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left + favourite restaurant): Cat Pepitos

3. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME: (silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied): Sailor Witham

4. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial + first three letters of your last name): K Hol

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite animal + name of high school): Horse Anglo

6. YOUR BARFLY NAME: (last snack food you ate + your favourite drink): Chocolate Bucks-Fizz

7. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + street where you first lived): Mary Butterrow

8. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favourite candy + favourite musicians last name): Twirl Crosby

9. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use): Matt Three

10. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( first 3 letters of your last name+ last 3 letters of mothers middle name /+/ first 3 letters of your pets name + first 3 letters of the town you live in): Holane Esmwol (or Folwol if I picked Foley)

-------------------------------

Phoenix thought that was so good that he wanted me to do his too....

1. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandmother's/father's first name + favourite snack): Edward Cornish

2. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left + favourite restaurant): Multivitamin Imperial

3. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME: (silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied): Po Pratts-Bottom

4. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial + first three letters of your last name): A Pol

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite animal + name of high school): Kangaroo St Martin

6. YOUR BARFLY NAME: (last snack food you ate + your favourite drink): Chocolate Whisky

7. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + street where you first lived): Leslie Lynge

8. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favourite candy + favourite musicians last name): Rancher Grohl

9. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use): Emily Vodaphone

10. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( first 3 letters of your last name+ last 3 letters of mothers middle name /+/ first 3 letters of your pets name + first 3 letters of the town you live in): Poline Folwol

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Yup!

Todays horoscope:

Much as you'd like to spend this day off on your own, reading a good book and ignoring the barrage of incoming phone calls, the reality of your obligations simply won't allow it. But even though you manage to drag your body into motion, your mind is still cuddled up with an afghan in your favorite overstuffed armchair. Do your best to stay focused, though it won't be easy, KATE.

...and I've got work!

I got some books in the post from abebooks yesterday. The new Katie Fforde (which I read last night), Ludo and the Star Horse by Mary Stewart, and two Phil Rickman books, The Wine of Angels (which I've read before but want to own) and Candlenight (which I haven't read).

So think of me today dealing with stupid queries like:

"Where are your Shakespeare books?" "Actually, his PLAYS are over in the DRAMA section where anyone with half-a-brain would look, and you've just queued for FIVE minutes to ask me that without even looking at any shelves"

Not to mention the good old:

"When's Harry Potter coming out?" *points to very large sign on counter* "16th of July you muppet, but since you can't read this large sign you won't be wanting the book!"

I LOOOOOVE Saturdays at work......