We still haven't got another fuse for the lighting so when I came upstairs by torchlight to check my email I saw the floor of the altar room was silver. The moon is full and floating in the sky at the back of the house.
I love the fact that on the nights the moon is at its fullest I can see it from where I type or can sit in its light in the altar room.
It made me think about the way things have changed in one short moonth (yes, moonth is intentional).
A moonth ago I was very secure. In my friendships and in myself. Now I have constant doubts. Was I really the one who was wrong? Did I misread all the signs? Then I read the emails I have and know that others felt the same and came to me independently to tell me of their worries. I've lost a couple of friends, and made some friendships even stronger. They were changes that would have happened in the end anyway I think, but events just happened faster than I ever thought they could.
There's a big thread on the Grove about The Dark Night of the Soul. Very apt for me with everything that's been going on. Things are darker at the moment than they have been for a long time. Six different nightmares last night, all new stories, none I've ever had before or had similar to before. All of which were detailed in the anonymous emails that arrived in my inbox this morning. I know when they're going to be there and after the dream I had about Emily I don't read them if they're there before bedtime.
The emails are sent to me in the form of ecards, sent using my Yahoo address that I never have used. That is, using it as the from address. I knew one day that being so open about myself online would cause problems, I didn't expect nightmares being sent that smash my shields and work past my haematite. So it's sleeping pills (herbal) for me tonight, I'll wake up dopy but better than I did this morning.
Jamie is behind me in the reflection of the window, guarding my back. He's never there as I go to sleep, he respects Phoenix too much for that but I think I'll sort this with both of them by my side.
Past love, present love, future love. Watching my back, guarding my heart.
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2 comments:
hi kate,
i hope the reference to the stronger friendships is something to do with me! lol!
im always here if you need to talk!
luv,
jamie -x-
Cariad,
Would you do me a favour? Right-click on one of the anonymous e-mails and click on properties. All the bumpf that's there, copy and paste it over to me. I'll trace the cachi for you and proceed to kick their heads in when we have a name.
yours
Mab
xxxxx
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