My inheritance cheque still hasn't cleared yet (it's so depressing seeing a 5 figure sum as the account balance and then being told the available balance is fuck all), but my lovely, lovely mother transferred me £1500 to start me off with until it clears (and she gets that back as soon as it does).
The thing is....I've spent that £1500 already.
I know I haven't really, as some of it I took out in cash and is currently distributed between Phoenixs pocket, my purse and the "Wedding Fund" pot (£5.99 from Great Expectations - gorgeous). But since my available account balance is down to about £50 it feels that way.
I've been working out where it all went, and don't actually feel that bad as I wouldn't say any of it has been wasted.
Yeah so I've spent £300 on books at work (yes, that's AFTER discount), but three bags of those were gifts for people, and there are no longer any books at work that I want anymore.
The £100 at HMV was again, 90% gifts and the £320 at Argos this morning was bookcases and ladders and cat stuff and plates and cutlery and a desk.
Writing it down like this has definately made me feel less guilty, I keep reminding myself that I could have blown £300 on make-up or clothes (I will be buying clothes, but nice ones for work rather than sparkly scraps of fabric) or even one pair of Manolo Blahniks.
I have to remember that although most of the money will be wiped out on our debts, we will be £300 a month better off, as we won't have to pay that out to card people.
Plus, I'm still aware that I'd swap all this stuff to see again the look in the eyes of Steve the Big Issue seller when I handed him that £20 yesterday. As long as I can remember that, I'm not such a terrible person as I think I am.