Lunchtime

I'm sitting in the staffroom talking to Gavin and Rich D about various things including Monty Python. Rich gets up and goes to go out for a fag but suddenly turns round and comes back.

Rich - "I've just had this totally random thought. If me and Gav were sex toys, I'd be like this huge dildo and Gav would be this little butt plug."

Gavin and Kate - "..."

Rich - "I think I watched too much porn last night."

------------------

Who says lunchtimes are boring.

Brychan wins...

DSC05321
Originally uploaded by EmLah.

Why my boyfriend is a sneaky bastard...

As I said before, Anthony is working 5-1 this week. So I was aware that Valentine's Day was going to be a non-starter and then we agreed we'd go out for a really nice meal at the weekend instead.

But I come home today and the hall light is on. This made me think I was going barmy as I couldn't remember turning it on this morning, then I went into the living room.

I've got my champagne marmite (bought by myself on his behalf), flowers (now being nibbled on by Foley), champagne and the new tv is here too, plus a lovely card.

He is a sneaky git sometimes.

The only problem...it means that he knows I've done no washing-up this week and my plan to do it all tomorrow has been foiled.

Hope youu've all had a great day! (I know David has, congrats Dave!)

Valentine
By John Fuller

The things about you I appreciate
May seem indelicate:
I'd like to find you in the shower
And chase the soap for half an hour.
I'd like to have you in my power
And see your eyes dilate.
I'd like to have your back to scour
And other parts to lubricate.
Sometimes I feel it is my fate
To chase you screaming up a tower
Or make you cower
By asking you to differentiate
Nietzsche from Schopenhauer.
I'd like successfully to guess your weight
And win you at a fete.
I'd like to offer you a flower.

I like the hair upon your shoulders,
Falling like water over boulders.
I like the shoulders, too: they are essential.
Your collar-bones have great potential
(I'd like all your particulars in folders
Marked Confidential).

I like your cheeks, I like your nose,
I like the way your lips disclose
The neat arrangement of your teeth
(Half above and half beneath)
In rows.

I like your eyes, I like their fringes.
The way they focus on me gives me twinges.
Your upper arms drive me berserk.
I like the way your elbows work,
On hinges.

I like your wrists, I like your glands,
I like the fingers on your hands.
I'd like to teach them how to count,
And certain things we might exchange,
Something familiar for something strange.
I'd like to give you just the right amount
And get some change.

I like it when you tilt your cheek up.
I like the way you nod and hold a teacup.
I like your legs when you unwind them.
Even in trousers I don't mind them.
I like each softly-moulded kneecap.
I like the little crease behind them.
I'd always know, without recap,
Where to find them.

I like the sculpture of your ears.
I like the way your profile disappears
Whenever you decide to turn and face me.
I'd like to cross two hemispheres
And have you chase me.
I'd like to smuggle you across frontiers
Or sail with you at night into Tangiers.
I'd like you to embrace me.

I'd like to see you ironing your skirt
And cancelling other dates.
I'd like to button up your shirt.
I like the way your chest inflates.
I'd like to soothe you when you're hurt
Or frightened senseless by invertebrates.

I'd like you even if you were malign
And had a yen for sudden homicide.
I'd let you put insecticide
Into my wine.
I'd even like you if you were the Bride of Frankenstein
Or something ghoulish out of Mamoulian's Jekyll and Hyde.
I'd even like you as my Julian
Of Norwich or Cathleen ni Houlihan.
How melodramatic
If you were something muttering in attics
Like Mrs Rochester or a student of Boolean mathematics.

You are the end of self-abuse.
You are the eternal feminine.
I'd like to find a good excuse
To call on you and find you in.
I'd like to put my hand beneath your chin.
And see you grin.
I'd like to taste your Charlotte Russe,
I'd like to feel my lips upon your skin,
I'd like to make you reproduce.

I'd like you in my confidence.
I'd like to be your second look.
I'd like to let you try the French Defence
And mate you with my rook.
I'd like to be your preference
And hence
I'd like to be around when you unhook.
I'd like to be your only audience,
The final name in your appointment book,
Your future tense.

Four Things

I had this as an email from both my mother and sister, and now FatBoyFat has tagged me with it to distract me from my woes. (I feel much better today by the way.)

Four jobs I've held:

Telephone Interviewer.
Qualified Sales Advisor at Holland & Barrett.
Christmas Temp at New Look.
Bookseller.

Four movies I've watched over and over again:

French Kiss - love this film.
Serendipity - just fab.
The Care Bears Movie - because Emily was addicted to this film as a small child.
Scream - because one of my housemates at uni hated it, and if I was watching it she wouldn't stay in the living room, thus leaving me in peace!

Four places I've been:

France.
Lloret De Mar.
Bath.
Wiesbaden.

Four places I've lived:

Awali, Bahrain.
Stroud, Gloucestershire.
Istead Rise, Kent.
Canterbury, Kent.

Four TV shows I watch:

CSI.
Numb3rs.
Ashes to Ashes (I loved Life on Mars)
E.R.

Four radio shows I listen to:

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
The Shipping Forecast.
The Archers.
The Goon Show (on BBC7)


Four things I look forward to:

Summer - with sunshine this year please.
Center Parcs at Easter - especially the massage I'm booking myself!
Getting divorced.
Moving house.

Four favourite foods:

Chocolate.
Spag Bol.
Steak sandwiches in french bread.
Subway Italian BMT (footlong, herb and cheese bread, extra cheese, green pepper, honey mustard sauce)

Four places I'd rather be:

Anywhere warm.
Summer 1996.
In bed with Anthony.
Shattrath City.

Four people I e-mail regularly:

Emily.
Mum.
Angela.
Anthony.

Four people I've tagged:

Caroline.
Michelle.
Keris.
David.

Sunflower Cross-Stitch

Sun1302
Originally uploaded by Petronella Rose.

It's coming along!

Ranty Ranty Stress Stress

I don't have a coping mechanism at the moment. That might sound strange so let me explain. When I was in my early teens and stressed about school I had a surefire way of releasing all that stress and feeling better, what Wikipedia refers to as "Self Injury". (the motives bit explains it perfectly.) When in the Upper Sixth and at uni, vodka was my cushion between me and the real world. Now however I don't have the ability to do either. Ability is the wrong word really, but I promised myself a very long time ago that the cutting had to be out and it never even crosses my mind when I get stressed (except when I'm thinking about it like this) and the vodka is very much not an option as apart from anything else I don't have the money to drink the way I used to!

But just writing all that has helped.

Today I had one job to do at work. Admittedly a big job, but easily doable in a day even with breaks to serve customers. I didn't get it done, mainly because one of my coworkers kept interrupting me to complain about the fact that they kept getting interrupted and couldn't finish what they were trying to do. So RichieFingers listened to me rant about that which helped, and I shall finish my task tomorrow!

Anthony is working 5-1 this week which is adding to my general grumpiness. I won't be seeing him til Saturday (at about 2am) and I miss him, and not just because he cooks me lovely food...

In other news my kitchen is still looking pretty good after my ex-next-door-neighbour Angela came round last Wednesday and organised me and did my washing-up. She'd popped in on Tues to ask when my day off was and if I wanted to do anything, but on Wed I was more than a little bit meh so she came round and made me feel lots better. Thankyou Angela!

I got to speak to Campbelli today who is still enjoying herself in her new job, and still enjoying the novelty of living with her lovely Jamie, although she is unimpressed with housework...

Gavin has been keeping us all entertained at work with his general Indiana Jonesness, although the cheeky bugger is having a long weekend so isn't hanging out for the whole of our Monday-Friday slog this week.

Other Happy Things
1) Mum's cross stitch is really coming along. (I shall post a picture).
2) I really enjoyed the new Sarah Dessen book The Truth About Forever (even though I wasn't sure how it would affect me) and have reread Just Listen.
3) The new Formula One season guide is out (I'm ignoring Hamilton all over the cover - that's a rant all of its own! Although they have changed it to include a small pic of Kimi, the ACTUAL champion!)
4) Caroline went to Malta!
5) I have been reading David's blog and thinking about philosphical things I haven't thought about in years.
6) The puzzled looks on Liz and Gavin's faces this morning when I said "Last night I got myself a new top and some trousers...and a lovely dagger" - In Warcraft that would be.
7) Anthony has got his hands on seasons 2,3 and 4 of Charmed.
8) I had a £40 Virgin Wine voucher arrive in the post.
9) It's only 17 days until I can get divorced!

Random Dad Fact #2

I spoke to my sister today.

The play she is currently working on involves lots of scaffolding. Therefore she has been sensible and bought herself some steel-toe capped boots. (Apparently they are beautiful).

She finally found them in Schuh after trying all sorts of other places.

Random Dad Fact = You need to have a special license to sell steel-toe capped boots/shoes.

Distracted again

I'm a bit discombobulated at the moment (oooh, I love that word).

I keep wanting to do things and then either talking myself out of them or just getting distracted. They're not big things, just little bits of stuff usually, but I don't seem to be able to get anywhere doing them.

(Even this blog post, it was all making sense in my head til I started typing...)

This is why I have been flaking I guess. Saturday was a very relaxed day - 7 episodes of E.R. and lots and lots of stitching. Sunday was shopping and WoW. I guess it just feels like I'm doing nothing with my time and that I should be doing more, but when I do I get stressed and snappy and generally am not fit to be out in public.

I've been vaguely thinking (again) about doing an OU course, but agin I don't know which course, I don't want to pick one and then hate it and feel like it was a waste of money, I don't want to sign up and then not do it "because I've got no time" even though I so have.

It's all just a bit meh.

On the bright side:

1) Mum's stitching is really coming along.
2) I've got Anthony hooked on Charmed.
3) I'd forgotten just how much I loved George Clooney as Doug Ross.
4) We're going shopping for a BIG shiny tv in a minute.
5) My 42 games game just arrived so I have something other than Sudoku to do on the DS.
6) I got the new Sarah Dessen proof today.
7) After spending three whole days doing "related product" (cards/notebooks/giftwrap) last week it's all done and I can get back to doing book stuff.
8) I got Tanara up to level 60 and Crimsone up to 40 on WoW. (and bought Crimsone a big red emu bird as a mount)
9) I've discovered a Mornington Crescent game on Facebook!

Cadburys Flake...

...or actually not.

I have been flakier this week than the last couple, mainly because I am doing this again. I did it back in the summer and it worked well, but for some reason I never managed to go back onto it after coming back from holiday...

This week has been bloody hard work but as Anthony has kept saying to me "If you can do it this week, you can do it anytime!". I have cheated slightly though, I've been drinking a little milk which is verboten. I've been doing this after nearly fainting a couple of times at work, low blood sugar + running about at work = not good.

I'm feeling good about it today though, even though it's day 5. I have lunch in front of me: lovely deli ham, strong cheddar cheese, pickled onions, celery and pate (the pate goes on the celery). M&S have been helping me out by having an offer on pre-prepared chicken tikka (the sort you can add to salads etc) which has been lovely for work lunch on days I don't fancy smoked salmon. Breakfast is the difficult meal as I have to eat it but always feel sick eating in the morning. Safest solution so far has been a whey protein shake which also makes me feel sick...

I have done some cooking this week, an attempt at Beef Stroganoff on Monday and Spag Bol last night (but no Spag for me).

Otherwise I have been doing much the same things as last week apart from eating Creme Eggs!

Yes I'm boring, go read Caroline's blog instead - she has been doing amazing things!

Assorted Assortments

My keyboard feels funny...this is because we just popped all the keys off, hoovered all the cat hair out of it, wiped it down and then stuck all the keys back in again. This means that some of them now feel worse than they did before, of course.

I had several things I wanted to post about this week, and then by the time I got home from work I was too tired to do anything except quickly check my email and other folks blogs and then flake out on the sofa. My sofa flaking was ably assisted by Anthony fetching me drinks, the cats being fuzzy and cuddly and the new series' of CSI and ER starting. Next week is Torchwood too!

We went to see Leyton Orient play at Nottingham Forest yesterday as a late birthday present for me. (we went to visit Anthony's sister too). I wore both my Orient tops (my black top with glitter logo underneath the team strip), tights under my jeans, my lovely scarf from mum and my big Christmas coat...and I was still freezing! But it didn't rain which was appreciated.
The score was 4-0 to Forest. Bugger. But hey, we beat them 4-0 at Forest last season so it's just karma (and we were bottom of the league at the time, they were in the top three). Best chants of the match have to be "one nil to the famous team", "you're not famous anymore" and "you're not famous anyway", attributed to Forest, Orient and Forest fans respectively.
Now I just have to persuade Anthony that going to the Walsall match in a couple of weeks is a good idea...

I spoke to Miss Campbelli the other day and she told me I had to blog so she'd know what I was doing. So just for Campbelli.

This week I have been mostly...

...taking Nytol so that I can go to sleep at a sensible time.
...watching ER on DVD.
...trying to decide how to decorate the drawer unit I got from Ikea. I like this one. (Mine is the version with two big drawers at the bottom).
...finding myself in fiction.
...ooohing over this book at work.
...trying to help Anthony choose whether to buy a lap-top, or a big TV that he can connect a tower to so that we can play WoW together at my house.*
...working on the sunflower cross-stitch.
...thinking about which cross-stitch I might do next!
...eating Creme Eggs.

*The WoW thing may sound more than a little bit geekish, but we like it.

New Years Resolutions

I went back to last year to look for my resolutions to see if I'd actually managed to keep any...and I didn't make any! I did a meme thing that Keris had done but that was it.
This confused me.
But I decided to put the Stuff in my sidebar, I thought. I wrote something about stitching too, I thought.

Well I did, but not in Jan 2007...in Jan 2006!

It's this here post that talks about it all. Quite apt really. It mentions the cross-stitch projects as:

Oranges & Lemons design - finished.

Stained Glass Footstool - abandoned, why continue making a present for your exes granny?

Desperate/Domestic Zero/Hero - there's a funny story about these...

(They link to Flickr where it says how long it took to turn #2 into #3)

Yes...well...they ARE quick to stitch, I've just been doing other things!

I don't really have any New Year Resolutions, other than the Stuff in the sidebar which will be continuing. The 2008 goal was kindly supplied by my old neighbour Angela who also took me to Ikea yesterday and helped me buy useful things (including two beautiful plates that I must photograph).

I would like to not be drinking on my 30th birthday (I know, I may have only turned 29 seven days ago, but I will be 30 this year and 31 next year!) for a couple of reasons, I would like to have my divorce go through quick and easy without having to have any contact with the Yeti, I would like to be able to afford to buy a house when I move in June (oooh, a flying pig!). I think this year there are lots of "I'd like" things but not that many "I will" things.

I shall do a little more thinking on it, and probably eat one of those Creme Eggs while I take the Christmas tree down.

Happy New Year Folks.

Happy New Year!

Random Dad Fact #1

(This is not going to be a random fact about my dad, but a random fact that I would have phoned him about. I don't think it's fair that they get lost and I still want to share them. Besides, Emily says he knows them already.)

Anthony put on a film called Shooter the other night. I was not really watching it as it's not my kind of film (I don't mind guns in films, but I don't like watching films where you see brain splatter). The only time I paid attention was during the end credits.

That's when I saw the name Levon Helm and got all excited. Levon Helm was the drummer for The Band, who my dad really liked, and I just so happened to have bought a couple of their songs from iTunes in the last couple of weeks.

Not quite like David Crosby being in Hook (and I still like the fact he was one of our favourite pirates even before we knew he was in it), but still a nice random occurrence.

Merry Birthday!

I hope you people all had a lovely Christmas?

Despite Anthony kindly passing on his stinky cold to me I have had a very good few days. (I'm still off work, now until the 4th Jan).

Christmas was strange without Dad, but at the same time there wasn't a huge big horrible gap there that was impossible to fill. Even when we were having Christmas dinner and I was sitting in his spot at the table, it didn't feel odd. We did go and see him on Christmas Day, after opening stockings (supplied by mum (and Emily got one from Brychan too)) but before we did tree presents and got comfy. It was pouring with rain, but since other people had had the same idea parking was a bit tight at the site. I did mean to take my camera and get a picture of his stone, but I didn't as the weather was so horrible, I shall get one of it in sunshine which will be more fitting. This picture shows the pond at the site, Dad is on the far side, in fact the little tree on the far bank is where we hung the bird feeders that we'd brought along as his Christmas presents. After we'd hung the feeders the rain started coming down even heavier, so we took that as a polite hint to bugger off and leave him in peace.

Tree presents (although there wasn't actually a tree this year) are always opened while drinking Bucks Fizz, and this bit of tradition was stuck to. Emily had a Jack themed set of presents from me and Anthony - Jack Daniels and Captain Jack that is. Anthony had a selection of car themed gifts plus Band of Brothers from Emily. Me? I'm the happiest girl in the world in my new Leyton Orient shirt, with oodles of Lush stuff and The Sims 2 to play (when I've defragged the pc this afternoon). My lovely neighbour Angela bought me a Cath Kidston stationery pack, thus fulfilling my longings for both Cath stuff and pretty notepaper!

My new board game Bookchase provoked some mixed reactions when we played it as both Emily and Anthony were convinced they would do badly. Who won? Anthony. Who came last? Me. So, proof that book knowledge is not always required to win a board game based around books! (You also have to pick up cards that entitle you to three free books, and then roll a six).

Emily kindly let me open my birthday present from her yesterday, a beautiful green purse by Jimmy Liao that holds EVERYTHING all in one go. I've just been a Googling to try and get you a picture...the range is very new and has no pictures anywhere so I will have to charge the camera up.

I do not know what else I have for my birthday as I am not allowed to open anything until Anthony gets home from work. I will distract myself by defragging and loading up Sims 2!

Bookish

I had a very bookish Friday and Saturday. All the worrying about my lost sick note (which arrived at work on Monday morning, as I found out when I took my replacement one in) had got to me and I just didn't want to do ANYTHING.

So I cosied up on the sofa to read, and basically didn't stop until Saturday night. I had myself a fantasy kick to get my mind well away from the here-and-now.

I'd picked up The Song of the Lioness Quartet by Tamora Pierce a few weeks ago and had started to reread it but got distracted by life. This time I read the whole damn thing on Friday afternoon (this edition is the 4 books in one) and then wanted more. So of course I went on and read the Immortals Quartet and the Protector of the Small Quartet that follow on from it. (this Amazon list shows all the books in their lovely lovely covers (same illustrator as the Casson books that customer didn't think much of)).

That took me through to Saturday night (with a couple of breaks for sleeping, eating and asking Anthony just why there was a mantelpiece in my hall*) and has left me with a small dilemma. What can I read next?

Logically I would carry on with the rest of Tamora's books, but there are hitches... I have Trickster's Choice which is the next in the Tortall series, but not Trickster's Queen which has taken three years to come out over here (and despite the picture, the edition we had in at work (the day before I came off sick) does not have the same cover style!), let alone Terrier. Emily does have these, but will possibly not let me borrow them...
The same problem occurs if I try to read the Circle Books (again shown on that Amazon list above) as I don't have the newest one of those either! (Emily does...)

(Yes, I know, I am so very pedantic about reading books all in one fell swoop)

I am now thinking about either reading some Mercedes Lackey or David Eddings, both of whom have written great series's's's, but can't sum up the energy for them quite yet. Instead I have gone off at a tangent and picked up Highland Fling by Katie Fforde instead. Hot toddies, snow, Scotland and a dashingly annoying hero - yum.

*The mantelpiece is there because a friend of Alf's moved house on Saturday and didn't want it anymore. Anthony went to help, I woke up when he went out (and read for a bit) but was asleep when he stopped here before breakfast to drop the mantelpiece off. So I wandered downstairs about 5 minutes before he got home and got rather confused. Apparently it's going in the front room, but not before that interesting shade of green on it has been painted over!

(The spellchecker changed mantlepiece to mantelpiece but I like the first spelling and by now can't tell which it should be!)

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...

Much like Posy the publication of the Radio Times Christmas issue is something that makes Christmas suddenly happening and actually real (and not the result of me watching too many Christmassy films in June).

I got mine this morning and have just spent a happy half hour or so (might well have been longer) going through it circling all the things I want to see/hear. It's a family tradition, Dad used to give us all different coloured pens to mark our programmes off with, and we weren't allowed to mark anything that we already had on tape - Mary Poppins, Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang etc.

It was quite sad this year, discovering things like Humph in Wonderland and realising I wouldn't be listening to it with Dad. But I am slowly getting used to things like that.

One thing that did actually make me cry was the feature on the adaptation of Ballet Shoes. I was worrying it would spoil it but the pictures are just perfect and after reading the cast list I know that this is going to be a Christmas TV highlight.

I have circled everything that I want to see (including Mary Poppins and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang) in purple ink, even though I probably won't get to see many of the things. As in so many previous years I shall probably watch the first of the Royal Institution Christmas Lectures and then end up missing the rest...

New Look

Oh yeah, I got bored and redecorated, Hope you like it.

Variousness

The lovely lovely Caroline is once again blogging things I'm thinking about. (She's so wonderful).

My thoughts on this were partly brought on by Facebook after a few very, very old pictures of me were put up on there and I still can't believe that was actually me. Partly cos I wish I'd had a hairdresser that would allow for the fact that I didn't want to spend 3 hours on my hair every morning. (The joys of bleaching it for so long mean that it's the same length now as it was then but so much more under control!)

I also just realised that of all my ex-boyfriends, there are only two that I'm not Facebook friends with (and that would be Jon from uni and the Yeti). I mean, there are a couple more who aren't on there, but Jamie's been dead for 11 years now so I'm letting him off, and the others I can only just remember first names let alone surnames. I think that's quite a good record really.

Not an ex-boyfriend, but a very dear friend from my Canterbury days, is thoroughly excited about the fact that his blog has shot to the top of Google on a search for three little words. I'm not going to put them here in case I topple him, but well done Steve on your success!

Foley chewed through the lights on the tree on Thursday so I have had to take the lights from my bed and put those on the tree instead. There is also now a length of lovely red ribbon draped round the tree after our visit to Hobbycraft yesterday. I keep wanting to make something, but I don't know quite what. I have a few ideas that I'm writing down until I have the money to give them a try. (Which makes it sound expensive, but it'll be about £5!)

The wanting to make something is probably brought on by some of the new blogs I have been reading, they're over in the sidebar under Home Stuff. I love Posie Gets Cozy and SouleMama, both of which I discovered via yarnstorm. I very very much want to make some of these which I first spotted on Posie, and then found all over the place on Flickr. This of course means I'm looking at all sorts of bits of fabric on eBay...

Otherwise I am ticking along nicely. The whole being violently sick thing has calmed down quite a lot, it really only starts up when I start feeling guilty about not being at work - so I am trying not to think about work.

I am also listening to large quantities of Radio Four and getting rather hooked on The Archers!

Temporary Hiatus

I went to the doctors on Wednesday. I've been feeling terrible for a few weeks now, nauseous all the time and very rarely hungry, then when I do eat I'm sick fairly soon after. Mostly not sleeping properly, going to sleep ok, then waking up for four/five hours and then falling asleep just in time for my alarm to go off again. Although my general mood has been fairly upbeat, altogether I've been grumpy and short-tempered because of the nausea and tiredness. (and no, I'm not pregnant...)

Anyway, on Wednesday I woke up and was sick, but there was blood in it. This made me panic and actually go to the doctor. Now the blood was apparently nothing to worry about, he thought that was just because I'd been being sick a lot and because it was always quite sudden. (Sorry for the TMI here guys).

But apparently all the being sick and not sleeping are signs of reactive depression. I told him about everything with Dad and my depressive history and that I'd never had symptoms like this before. I know how to cope when I feel blue, but this? no idea.

Basically he's signed me off work for two weeks. He wanted to make it 4, or better still 6 but I just couldn't do that at this time of year (2 weeks off is bad enough). I have to go back and see him on the 21st and if he's not happy, then I don't go back to work for another 2 weeks.

So for the next two weeks I will be about a lot. I will be doing useful household tasks (washing-up, cleaning), going for a walk every day, and working on mum's cross-stitch as well as some tiny little Christmassy ones that I've had free from various magazines.

Just so you know I'm being really productive...











I've added all the proper Armory links to my sidebar too. (I know, I know...)