Ranty Ranty Stress Stress

I don't have a coping mechanism at the moment. That might sound strange so let me explain. When I was in my early teens and stressed about school I had a surefire way of releasing all that stress and feeling better, what Wikipedia refers to as "Self Injury". (the motives bit explains it perfectly.) When in the Upper Sixth and at uni, vodka was my cushion between me and the real world. Now however I don't have the ability to do either. Ability is the wrong word really, but I promised myself a very long time ago that the cutting had to be out and it never even crosses my mind when I get stressed (except when I'm thinking about it like this) and the vodka is very much not an option as apart from anything else I don't have the money to drink the way I used to!

But just writing all that has helped.

Today I had one job to do at work. Admittedly a big job, but easily doable in a day even with breaks to serve customers. I didn't get it done, mainly because one of my coworkers kept interrupting me to complain about the fact that they kept getting interrupted and couldn't finish what they were trying to do. So RichieFingers listened to me rant about that which helped, and I shall finish my task tomorrow!

Anthony is working 5-1 this week which is adding to my general grumpiness. I won't be seeing him til Saturday (at about 2am) and I miss him, and not just because he cooks me lovely food...

In other news my kitchen is still looking pretty good after my ex-next-door-neighbour Angela came round last Wednesday and organised me and did my washing-up. She'd popped in on Tues to ask when my day off was and if I wanted to do anything, but on Wed I was more than a little bit meh so she came round and made me feel lots better. Thankyou Angela!

I got to speak to Campbelli today who is still enjoying herself in her new job, and still enjoying the novelty of living with her lovely Jamie, although she is unimpressed with housework...

Gavin has been keeping us all entertained at work with his general Indiana Jonesness, although the cheeky bugger is having a long weekend so isn't hanging out for the whole of our Monday-Friday slog this week.

Other Happy Things
1) Mum's cross stitch is really coming along. (I shall post a picture).
2) I really enjoyed the new Sarah Dessen book The Truth About Forever (even though I wasn't sure how it would affect me) and have reread Just Listen.
3) The new Formula One season guide is out (I'm ignoring Hamilton all over the cover - that's a rant all of its own! Although they have changed it to include a small pic of Kimi, the ACTUAL champion!)
4) Caroline went to Malta!
5) I have been reading David's blog and thinking about philosphical things I haven't thought about in years.
6) The puzzled looks on Liz and Gavin's faces this morning when I said "Last night I got myself a new top and some trousers...and a lovely dagger" - In Warcraft that would be.
7) Anthony has got his hands on seasons 2,3 and 4 of Charmed.
8) I had a £40 Virgin Wine voucher arrive in the post.
9) It's only 17 days until I can get divorced!

Temporary Hiatus

I went to the doctors on Wednesday. I've been feeling terrible for a few weeks now, nauseous all the time and very rarely hungry, then when I do eat I'm sick fairly soon after. Mostly not sleeping properly, going to sleep ok, then waking up for four/five hours and then falling asleep just in time for my alarm to go off again. Although my general mood has been fairly upbeat, altogether I've been grumpy and short-tempered because of the nausea and tiredness. (and no, I'm not pregnant...)

Anyway, on Wednesday I woke up and was sick, but there was blood in it. This made me panic and actually go to the doctor. Now the blood was apparently nothing to worry about, he thought that was just because I'd been being sick a lot and because it was always quite sudden. (Sorry for the TMI here guys).

But apparently all the being sick and not sleeping are signs of reactive depression. I told him about everything with Dad and my depressive history and that I'd never had symptoms like this before. I know how to cope when I feel blue, but this? no idea.

Basically he's signed me off work for two weeks. He wanted to make it 4, or better still 6 but I just couldn't do that at this time of year (2 weeks off is bad enough). I have to go back and see him on the 21st and if he's not happy, then I don't go back to work for another 2 weeks.

So for the next two weeks I will be about a lot. I will be doing useful household tasks (washing-up, cleaning), going for a walk every day, and working on mum's cross-stitch as well as some tiny little Christmassy ones that I've had free from various magazines.

Just so you know I'm being really productive...











I've added all the proper Armory links to my sidebar too. (I know, I know...)

Black dog on my shoulder

So no chat today. Have a picture of Foley instead.

Black Dog

I'm having an attack of the Black Dog at the moment which means I haven't been doing a lot of anything.

It's ridiculous really. My life is good, I'm not in debt, I have a great job, cool friends, fabulous boyfriend...but something in me just wants to sit in a corner and cry. I've put a few bits of paper saying "it's a chemical imbalance" in places where I'll see them if I get too blue, but otherwise I'm just trying to chill and ignore it. Unfortunately that's not really working. So I've been coming home exhausted, half-heartedly checking my emails and then slouching on the sofa watching CSI or the Dukes of Hazzard. Half the time I'm on the sofa I can't even be bothered to do any sewing. Anthony understands which helps immensely. He gets it too sometimes and knows when to prod me to go and make dinner (which helps cos then I've accomplished something) or when to pass me the icecream and give me a big hug.

I did manage to blitz it yesterday afternoon, I had a half-day and left work feeling like crap. I went and bought a load of M&S Bucks Fizz and then treated myself to a cab home and an afternoon in the sunshine drinking the Fizz, reading Harry Potter and going slightly pink. I plan to try and do a little bit of this again today.

That afternoon "out" of life has helped me get excited again over the fact that I get to see Emily tomorrow! She is coming to visit for Harry Potter night and we are going to have a great time! Yes, she will have to put up with Anthony and the cats on her own on Sat as I'll be at work (after very little sleep), but she managed to put up with the Yeti last time so this time it'll be a matter of stopping talking to read the book rather than reading the book cos there's no-one to have an intelligent conversation with.

Before I go and do some housework in honour of her visit, a list of some things that are making me smile:

My gorgeous new shoes
Sexy chocolate buttons
My new waterbottle
lolcats
This strange creature, which apparently Katie W. has something to do with...